Chuck Norris facts… What year is it ?!
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars have to look both ways.
You can’t name a bridge Chuck Norris. Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t manage operational risk … he seeks it.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
His tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never cried.
He can build a snowman out of rain.
He can play the violin with a piano.
He is the only person to have counted to infinity… twice!
When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally, he comes back with his shirt ironed and a sandwich!
Chuck Norris doesn’t lie. He changes facts.
Chuck Norris tells simmon what to do.
Chuck Norris was voted employee of the year by a company he never worked for.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris flew coast to coast in a hot balloon powered by a long fart.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck’s diary was found. It’s now known as the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
There is no such thing as Global Warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris wears sunglasses to protect the sun from his powerful gaze.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors just walls that he walks through.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand while he’s sitting on it.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to look at a clock for the time. He tells the clock what time it’s supposed to be.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a GPS. He decides where he is.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris has only owned one pair of boots. They’re too scared to wear out.
Badge wears Chuck Norris for credibility.
When Chuck Norris misspells a word, all English dictionaries have to be updated because Chuck Norris can never be wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
Chuck Norris doesn’t leave messages, he leaves warnings.
Telemarketer called Chuck Norris. Telemarketer ended up ordering an entire DVD collection of Walker Texas Ranger TV series and 3 copies of Chuck’s book.
When Chuck Norris cold calls, he says “Chuck Norris”, and the deal is done. Fact.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Santa Claus was real until he forgot Chuck Norris present.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t walk around the globe, he rolls it under him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t walk. It’s the soil that carries him.
There are no Chuck Norris jokes. Just true stories.
Covid
- The face mask does not protect Chuck Norris from the virus. It protects the virus from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t get the flu shot. He shoots the flu.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need any toilet paper. He will just hold it until the pandemic is over.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t get the coronavirus. He infects it.
- The flu has to get Chuck Norris shots once a year.
- Chuck Norris has been exposed to coronavirus (COVID-19). The virus is now in quarantine.
- Coronavirus, if you come to the USA, you’ll have to survive Chuck Norris.
- The coronavirus is taking extra precautions against Chuck Norris.
