Chuck Norris Facts: Pilot

While looking at a GE90-115B, Chuck Norris said: “I’ll take that hair dryer”.

Chuck Norris didn’t join the Air Force. The Air Force joined Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris’s son:

Chuck Norris was a Kamikaze pilot … 12 times.

Chuck Norris successfully completed a kamikaze mission. Then went to a bar to celebrate with some friends.

Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds … the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches … he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris.

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously.

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving.

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance … once.

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the hole he just made.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

No one knows what Chuck Norris’ tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that close.

When Chuck Norris flies there are no Air Traffic Controllers! Only Suggesters!

Chuck Norris pitot tube is a .50 Cal.

Chuck Norris has no need for landing gear … his balls will do!

Never tell Chuck Norrris to “turn” to a heading. Usually he roundkicks when prompted by the word “turn”.

Chuck Norris Airspeed indicator just tells him, how faster the world is spinning beneath him!

Pilots read the checklist. Checklists listen to Chuck Norris.

In case of all engines failing, the stick must be strong enough in order to Chuck Norris carry all the aircraft weight.

When in aircraft carriers Chuck Norris needs no catapult. He throws his own jet into the air, then jumps, and gets into his pilot seat.

In the movie “Top Gun” Chuck Norris was just about to play Maverick part but they resigned. No Mig pilots wanted to dogfight him.

Once an airline crashed in a cloud burst, the investigators found out that there was no cloud but Chuck Norris sneezed while passing above them!

Man uses flying machines to defy the laws of gravity, but not Chuck Norris. Because gravity dares not defy him.

Chuck Norris’s call sign is Air Force 0.

Chuck Norris doesn’t descend, he pulls the earth towards him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t use spoilers and thrust reversers on his landings, he only uses his feet.

When Chuck Norris is approaching to land, even Superman has to wait in a holding pattern.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have a windshear alert. Instead, the windshear is warned when Chuck Norris is coming.

When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris replied: “I am unbreakable and proceeded with the straight in landing”.

Chuck Norris’ jet doesn’t run on fuel, it runs on fear.

Chuck Norris has never had an emergency because his plane’s systems are too afraid to talk back to him.

Charles Lindbergh didn’t fly across the Atlantic Ocean, Chuck Norris glider towed him.

When Chuck Norris sneezes, it causes wind shear warnings.

Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris’ way.

Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision. He has shot down any plane that has gotten within 10 miles.

Chuck Norris doesn’t level off. He tells the altimeter to stop moving.

Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris.

The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% chance of pain.

The only thing tougher than A-10 gun smoke, is Chuck Norris cigarette smoke.

When Apollo 11 first landed on the moon in 1969, Chuck Norris showed them where to park the vehicle.